I might be the millionth person yet to blog about the chaos of Malaysia-Indonesia match. Partly because I didn't really watch the whole thing, and partly because I think there's just enough embarrassment for the whole world to watch.

It's simple. Get over it. Win or lose, it's all part of the game. Why pour more oil to an angry fire?

Even the M. Ozawa tweeted about it.

Rest assured, it's not like I care about how we look to her, nor did I even follow her (saw the tweet when one of my friends RT-ed her. If you don't know her, DO NOT GOOGLE) but this just basically means the world witnesses everything.

Maybe it's just about time till Paris Hilton tweets about it. I hate to think what happens then.

Anyway, today marks my second (or maybe third? I've lost track of time already) day of my winter break. Been hanging out in my room most of the time since it's freezing cold outside and with snow coming up soon, I might just start my hibernation period right now.

Hibernation, to me, equals to good movies and books.

 Ada Apa Dengan Cinta

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

Nothing like curling up in warm blanket watching teen movie (I LOVE DIAN!! She was basically my teenage idol. And my motivation to keep my hair long.) and a good book to read. Yes, that's The Time Traveler's Wife's author..I'm yet to finish this book but so far it's amazing. Well, as expected.

And tomorrow I'm going to Kyoto for New Year :) Can't wait!! Hello awesome winter break.

So yesterday was historic.

I'm done with my mid term presentation. FINALLY.

It felt like a huge burden was lifted off my chest. At last.

So this officially means I have three months left till graduation. And the final presentation before that.


We had gotong-royong today, cleaning up the laboratory and research room. I dreaded going at first cause 1) I finished my presentation yesterday, hello, I deserve to sleep till noon 2) seeing my lecturer after my presentation yesterday gives me goosebumps. I was so scared that he might comment about how my presentation went, so I was lucky that I managed to avoid him the entire day.

Then we had end of the year party (忘年会) at this restaurant I can't remember the name, not so far from Saijo station. Went there by a shuttle bus.

The party wasn't much different from the previous ones we had. A lot of sashimi, sushi, the famous miso soup, sake, kanpai. You know, the Japanese customs.

Got home extremely tired but happy. Did I mention I have the best labmates in the world?

Anyway, I just got my shawls (as we Malaysians call it) from this particular website a few days ago. The company is based in Malaysia, and I was looking for an online shawl boutique that sells various types of hijabs with good shipping (I'm hardly a patient customer) so after reading the good testimonials they put on their website, I decided to try my luck.

The shipping preferences are so many, so it's a plus point for them. I chose this particular shipping method that takes around 2 weeks (as stated) and my package arrived exactly after 2 weeks!

The pictures don't do them much justice - the shawls are very pretty!

It's so hard to find online stores that sell my favorite kind of hijabs, what more the ones that actually ships worldwide. I guess it's one of the perks of being so far away from Malaysia - we can find shawls everywhere there.

When I graduated and go back to Malaysia, my bank account will resent me like no other. 

As you can see, I'm all into pashmina shawls now. The ones in the first picture are SO NICE, seriously - but they're a bit big for me, I might have to send them to get tailored.

Got them from Hijab411.com. Go check it out :)

Had a long good talk with mum last night. I waited till evening to message her cause I know by then everything would settle down, and I was still at lab working on my presentation slides so I took some time in between breaks to message her.

Then she called. Her voice was solemn and calm; even though there were signs that she had been crying.

She told me everything is fine, everything went smoothly and that I needn't worry about anything. She asked me how I was, so I told her how I feel like everything I do isn't enough for Atok. I've read Quran and Yasin but being far away, this is all I can do.

This is what she said.

"I know you're upset not being able to be here, but Atok knew you wanted to. Atok loves you so much, and she understands you couldn't come home. She knew you love her too. She forgave everyone, and she looked so peaceful. We've done everything we could, we brought her to the best doctor, the best hospital, but God loves her more, and there's nothing more we can do except being strong and always pray for her. I'm very thankful that Atok brought you girls up so well, I'd always remember what she has done for me and for us. We have to accept qada' and qadar. She's in better place now, so always remember that."

She cried, but she said those words in her strongest self, I could tell.

This is coming from a woman who cried like a baby when Atok first went for haji a few years ago.

I'm still sad, but listening to my mum makes me feel so small. This must've been so hard on her since she's closest to Atok especially since Dad was gone, they spent so much time together - but she managed to get herself together and comforted me.

I'm so proud of her I can't say. I wish I'm half a woman she is.

She got the privilege of choosing the place my Atok would be laid to rest, and she chose a spot right beside my Dad's. All I can think of right now is how much I want to go back and visit the graves.

Up till today, I'm getting better especially after the talk with mum. I know that we all have to be strong, and even though Atok is gone now she will always be remembered in our prayers.

I'll always miss you, Atok. I love you, always have and always will.

"So when the time gets hard
There's no way to turn
As HE promise He will always be there
To bless us with HIS love and HIS mercy
Cause, as HE promise HE will always be there
HE's always watching us, guiding us
And HE knows what's in our little hearts

So when you lose your way
To Allah you should turn
As HE promise HE will always be there."
- Maher Zain, Always Be There.

I got a call my sister a few hours ago, telling me that my grandma has passed away after being admitted to ICU since yesterday.

As soon as I heard her voice, my heart dropped. I knew that voice. I'm familiar with that tone of voice. I've heard it before.

I didn't know what to say, so I just cried. I asked her about the details, about how mum's doing because my mum is the closest person to Atok. They're mother and daughter but they're more like sisters cause my mum was always by Atok's side, they spent a lot of time together and mum was always the one who'd take care of Atok, as our house is so close. She said mum's doing fine, she's sad but she's holding it together. Told me to be calm and pray and recite Yasin for Atok. She was crying too, and she said don't worry everyone's here and we'll take care of Atok. She told me not to call mum just yet cause she might be more upset hearing my voice.

And I just couldn't stop crying. God knows how much I hated being in this situation; being the only one who couldn't be there. When they needed me the most. When mum needed me the most.

So I quickly called Shahrul to tell him, cried even more, told him I need to pray and perform my Maghrib. Took Quran and recited Yasin a few times, and even then, I feel helpless. I feel like everything I did wasn't enough, so took my Ma'thurat and read a few times.

I feel so helpless. I want to do everything I can for my Atok but I don't know what else to do except praying for her and sedekah Yasin to her.

I want to go on that plane so badly, but I have mid-term presentation coming up on Friday and it's impossible for my lecturer to let me off.

I can't even see my grandma for the last time, the woman who raised me ever since I was a baby till I'm in primary school. She was practically my second mother, and I can't do anything for her.

Spent a few hours reciting Quran, and here I am writing this post, cause God knows how many times I've been down and blogging is what makes me feel at peace. 

Dearest Atok, 

I'm so sorry I can't be by your side right now. I want so badly, but I won't be allowed to skip this presentation and mum won't allow me to skip too so I can't do anything. Kak Una told me you were surrounded with the whole family, your children, grandsons and granddaughters, so I was a bit happy to know you were in good hands.

I guess God knows I can't take it too.

I don't know how to cope going back home only to find a crowd of people at our house, and it wasn't a celebration. I don't know how to cope seeing the kereta mayat in front of the house. I can't see mum crying, it'd make me weak at my knees in an instant, I feel like I'm about to faint.

I can't take it anymore. After Tok Timah passed away when I was in Form 1, and Dad passed away when I was in Form 3, I don't think I can take going home just to find sad news waiting for me.

Atok, I hope you weren't in much pain when you go. I prayed that God took you just as gentle as you, I prayed that you forgave all my sins before you left us. I'm thankful that I had that chance to spend some time with you when I was home for Raya, I still remember your happy face when you saw me. Even though I couldn't call you as frequent as before, you never complained - that's just how kindhearted and understanding you are, but I can see you were in tears everytime I had to go to the airport.

When Tok Timah passed away, I remember being on the graveyard, under a tree, on Dad's lap - he was so sad cause he lost his mum. I remember looking at his face and held his hands, and he told me 'Tok Timah is gone'. I was 13, and I was young - but I knew the pain was unbearable for him.

When Dad passed away, I remember sitting by the bed, reciting Yasin when relatives came in and out to see him. I remember seeing you, sitting with your friends in the living room cause you couldn't sit properly as your legs had to be positioned a certain way to sit on the floor, so I went to sit with you. I remember you said 'cucu Atok..kesian cucu Atok' and you just held me in your arms the whole day, you'd never let me be alone.

And now, years later, I'm sitting in this house far away from home with no one to hold me like you did. Losing you hit me hard more than I can imagine, the frustration of not being able to be by your side right now is killing me.

I know that I should be stronger by now. I know that I should be more composed. But as it happens I feel weaker each time, feeling like everyone I love is being taken away from me. But we have to accept qada' and qadar, and be strong.

My dearest Atok, may you rest in peace. Always know that you'll be greatly missed, you were the strongest person I know, a trait I know was passed to mum.

Ya Allah, Kau cucurilah rahmat ke atas roh nenekku dan tempatkanlah nenekku di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin. Al-Fatihah.

To all friends who've kindly texted and messaged me, thank you for everything. May God bless you.

So here comes the post. Loadss of pictures and lamps, be warned! :)

The Illumination started at 5 pm, so by 4 pm we were already on our way. It was held at Bihoku National Hillside Park in Hiroshima, but the journey took hourss it felt like forever!

Thanks to kabus and not-so-helpful GPS we reached there around 7, and got the shock of our lives when the coldness was eating our bones. After a few minutes I couldn't even feel my face anymore! Thank God one of my kohai brought extra gloves, because if not I won't feel my hands till today.

It was my first time, so there were lots and lots of "ooh so nice.." "ooh lawanye.." and I mean it, A LOT. See the pictures if you don't believe me.

All pictures from Wawa, Nazu, Afzam, Alif and Basha's SLR.

I am so blessed to be surrounded with SLR-owned friends and juniors. Hehe.

Some pictures from my poor old Canon digicam (hey, it's a Powershot! So it's actually not so bad ok) :

 In the car
The hugee Christmas tree lamp in front of the park
Woah I feel like such a pro.
Hi, I like your candy.
Probably my favorite picture of all. Just because of the heart candy.

Looking at the pictures make me kinda sad cause I realize March is getting near, and all of these would be one of old memories that I won't forget. It's crazy because I just didn't realize how much I've grown these past four years; how many things happened, how many people I've met, how much new things I've learned. It feels like just yesterday that I was one of the youngest here in Hiroshima, and now everyone's calling me 'kakak' (well except Basha, Sidek, Sue and some others).

December is coming to an end, and 2011 will soon be here. I feel nostalgic.

We went to the annually held Winter Illumination at this park in Hiroshima yesterday, after what seems like weeks of intensive planning, plan cancelled, plan postponed, plan retrieved. It was my first time (yes I've been here for nearly 4 years, but more as an illiterate unwelcomed guest who barely noticed anything around me) going to this event so I was looking forward to it!

Never mind the fact that I have a mid-term presentation coming up this Friday and hundreds of presentation practices before that; a girl's gotta chill sometimes.

Before they came to pick me up. Spot Audrey Hepburn poster on the wall!

Will blog about it later. My brain is still freezing from last night :/

What just reached my doorstep :

All from Forever 21.

When it comes to jackets, Zara would always be my saviour. I love how elegant the jackets look, even if they come with quite pricey tags but the quality, the softness are excellent.

But knowing that Zara is milesss away from here that a bus ride AND a few train stops to be made just to reach the shop, I give in to online shopping. And forever21.co.jp is probably the most reliable store ever. The clothes are cheap, the delivery is super fast and you can find everything there!

Once I bought a set of brushes from their online store HAHA. Talk about being lazy to shop at that beauty supply store right across the street.

Zara.co.jp should REALLY exist, they won't be sorry.

Anyway, I was browsing the store and these are what I'm crushing on right now :
Butterfly top
Black glitter jacket

I know I won't be caught wearing the shiny butterfly top outside my house, but it is just too lovable. As for the black glitter jacket, I can wear it outside even if it's 5 degree! TOO. COOL. So Topshop-lish.

But reality kicks in when I'm about to press enter. Sigh.

Hello, I'm decorate-ing.

Have I told you how much I love this song?

Now I'm not some fanatic fan who'd love everything her superstar does, but honestly, this Yuna girl is such a God-sent.
Listening to her voice makes me realize how much Malaysian artists and music industry have actually grown. She's pretty, down-to-earth, talented and fashionable. Gosh, I can't hide the fanatic fan symptoms very well, can I?

Can't get enough of her?

I just went to her website, and it wasn't till today that I realize Yuna is one of the Malaysian fashion icon! She made her own debut when she was out wearing hijab, playing guitar and singing on the stage with a super-beautiful voice, but now she's a superstar in a totally different light - going from average modest to brave fashion :)

  Yuna at 3 Shout! Awards

OMG, that is what we call fabulous.

I know I won't be caught in public wearing an outfit like that, that's why you should say "I want to be a celebrity when I grow up" when your elementary school teacher asked you because only celebrities are allowed to wear fabulous outfits like this. I like how the harem pants work on her, I love the color combo, I love the hijab style..sigh..

She was wearing Syomir Izwa's spring/summer 2011 collection :

Go to her website to see her other amazing photos. And I guess you guys knew about the Yuna & Hana Tajima collaboration - Live Fashion/Love Music 2010 ft. Yuna and Hana Tajima. Please smack yourself if you don't, a must-known event for all Maysaa fans!

I started following StyleCovered when a friend told me about the website - and it was a turning point for me. I realize that so many girls out there who are hijabis and yet very fashionable in their own way, they're making a huge impact on our society. Hana Tajima is a fashion designer, and she designs all things modest and yet very high fashion. If I have all the money (and patience) in the world, I'd buy every single piece on her website. Pfft.

The event was held last 13th December so yeah, those who managed to go should count your blessings..I wish I was in Malaysia, even if it's just for one day :( The event turned out so great (based on what I read on the internet) I mean, fashion show and live music all at the same time?? It's basically what Fashion Week is missing.

You can go to Sha Elaiza's blog to see what the event was like, and of course, the pictures. Simply because I love her blog.

After all this time, I can't believe it's finally happening.
I can't believe that despite all the hardships we've been through, you decided to turn your back on me. I can't believe you took the easy way out when you know for certain how I feel about you. About us.

I really thought things are going well.
People in relationships do occasionally fight sometimes, but I thought it was normal. I thought I can control all the fights and misunderstanding and disagreements.

But you gave up. And you didn't even give me a chance. When I tried so hard to make things work, you turned your back on me.

I really thought we could last. Everyone was counting on this, I've even gotten used to having you in my head everywhere, you were always in my mind. Never a day gone by that I forgot about you ever since we started.

How can you do this to me.

Today, I can speak for certain that my FYP and I don't belong together.

Presentation didn't go very well, my FYP decided to turn its back on me and I'm still having a terrible headache till now, and it's freezing cold. Migraines and cold are not a perfect match.

Reached home soaking wet, stomach grumbling and head throbbing. If you've had that occasional migraines you know you need a rest. 

I ordered an iPhone case from this online store (cause I'm really really lazy busy to even go out to the nearby Deodeo and buy one) so buying it from the internet seems like a really blast idea.

Not until the Sagawa carrier decided to screw up my already sucky day and sent it to the wrong address, the same room number but the apartment across the road. Thank goodness for the very very kind guy who called me up and told me he got my parcel and dropped by to send it to me at my doorstep! When it's raining outside. Sigh.

Sometimes people can surprise you in all the amazing ways you can't imagine. Sometimes it's God's way of making a gloomy day a lil bit brighter :) 

Thank you, The Apartment Across The Road With The Same Room Number Guy. You made my day.

In anticipation of waiting for my monthly presentation tomorrow, I decided to spend the whole day watching my favorite TV series and get as comfortable as I can instead of hanging out at Zara (my favorite place in the whole world). Can even save some plenty of money too.

And..I was watching this episode of Rory getting a Birkin bag from Logan. And for the millionth time, I am starstruck.

Rory doesn't even know this bag is the most sought after bag in the world, so exclusively made that even Emily doesn't have one! Well, considering just how the Gilmores are very very rich, you would've thought Emily would have one too. She does have a few Chanels, though. Which practically just makes it up for not having a Birkin.

I mean, I've always loved this episode just because I love looking at the bag fresh from the big Hermes box, but as I grew older I realized just how much my love for bags is. I might not really fully understood the value of this Birkin bag before, but I realize that I AM NOW.

This Birkin bag, is what I imagine my heaven would be filled with. But it would be useless cause in heaven everyone else gets one too (or more if they're crazy about bags like I am). Just as the guys' heaven would be filled with PS3s and PS2s and HTC Androids.

But I was thinking..don't you think every girl deserves a Birkin bag? I mean, after everything we've been through (periods, period cramps, double standard issues, birth, etc..being a girl IS NOT EASY) I honestly think this bag should be available to all women out there.

Because this world would be a much better place with this bag in our possession. It'd last a lifetime, so spending 2,238,000 yen (US$27079.80) on a perfect bag is perfectly normal.

See, that's why all the girls in the world want to marry David Beckham. Because he gives Posh all the happiness in the world.

This week has been tough for me, just as last week had been a vacation. My FYP is starting to take its toll on me; and I'm blaming it all on my lecturer who decided to go to Tokyo when I needed him the most. Hmph.

I was supposed to give my monthly presentation last Friday, but for some reason it's being postponed to this Monday. Thank God. But waiting for tomorrow is NOT FUN.

On another note, we had a meeting with JPA officer yesterday as she's coming here all the way from Tokyo to have a heart-to-heart talk with Malaysian students in Hiroshima. We've never met any of the JPA officers from embassy since..forever, so we didn't know what to expect from this meeting.

But the meeting was OK :) The officer, Puan Siti Zaharah is way cooler than I thought she is. IT'S TRUE!

She even paid for the dinner afterwards. Or maybe the embassy did.

All in all, we discussed about our results and the difficulties we have in classes. Most of her questions were targeted to the juniors cause they're supposed to obtain enough credits in order to go to the final year, so we the final years weren't questioned at all. We were only asked about whether we've gotten job offers and stuffs. I think I even dozed off for a while.

This meeting was bersejarah too, cause it was the first time a Malaysian student from Kure joined us! (the one on the right) I knew him first on Twitter, and he didn't know any Malaysian here at that time. Which is a fault on my end too cause I was supposed to introduce him to the people here. Sighs..sorry :( But better late than never right? :) Welcome to Saijo, Amirul!

We've been exchanging messages and tweets several times, but this is the first time we met, so it was kinda weird. Haha. But it was great that he managed to meet us all, finally. Come again okay :)

We had our dinner at Ganesh, the first halal Indian restaurant here in Saijo. The service is top-notch, the food was great, most of us ordered the huge cheese nan set with a tandoori chicken and we didn't managed to even finish it! Thank goodness for takeaway.

Us with Puan Siti Zaharah
At the hotel

She's heading to Okayama today. GOOD LUCK YOU GUYS! HAHA.

It's winter, officially :) Today marks the second week into December which means snow can come anytime soon.

I wasn't exactly a big fan of winter and cold (don't do much good when you have asthma and you have to cycle to campus back and forth and end up hyperventilating on your doorstep, every day). But so far the strong wind and freezing cold temperature haven't done any damage to my lungs, so that's good.

Super duper happy when I realize I have a GOOD, SENSIBLE, CONCRETE reason to get new boots! (cycling and walking on a metres thick of icy cold snow require skills and good boots, people)

The picture doesn't do it much justice..I know. It's all about practical. (just some tips I picked up from magazines - buy leather boots and not suede cause suede bounds to be impractical in rain and snow. Suede and rain just don't mix!)

This is going to be my last winter in Japan so if I vent about the snow, feel free to smack me. My snowboarding plan is still on hold; I'm not sure if I want to go and break my legs and befriend walking stick for a month..but we'll see. 

Winter highlights (in my head anyway) :

Winter boots! (done)


Snow & Snowman

Winter parks (if we have the time..mid term presentation is on Christmas Eve which is a big fat no fun for me)

And best of all, having hot coffee at Starbucks.

Am looking forward to the first day of snow, despite having to wear three to four layers to campus EVERY DAY and I hate long johns! They make me look three times wider pfft.

Last but not least, Salam Maal Hijrah everyone :) Please, God, make me graduate this year..I can't take this whole FYP migraines anymore. And please make me a better person so that I can look at myself a year before and say I'm proud of myself. And please give me strength to go through my last days in Japan and go back to Malaysia as a better daughter my Mum deserves.

Also, a better servant and worshipper of You :) Amin.


my brain dump.