Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Jua's baby shower

Last few weeks, Mimi (bff of Jua) invited me to the most important social event in a mommyhood calendar..

Jua’s baby shower!

In case you didn’t know, baby showers are usually thrown to the first-timer mothers (I don’t know why I call it that, let’s rephrase when I can get my brain functioning) to celebrate their first time bearing kids. Oh and celebrate their first newborns too, regardless the fact that the kid isn’t even born yet.

When I was pregnant with Rayyan, most of my closest friends were pregnant too. So we were all kind of too high on hormones and too exhausted from the baby weight to even think about throwing each other’s showers..

Hence we didn’t have any.

Friday, March 10, 2017

The day I felt like a failure

Yesterday, I was home quite late due to traffic as it was raining. It was a long day for me – had some meetings, teleconferences, etc at work and this week my belly feels somewhat heavier than usual.


So I was exhausted. Told Shahrul a few days ago that I’m planning to order out today, i.e. McD or KFC because on days that work takes so much out of me, I don’t want to deal with having to come home late in the evening and make rice and prepare for dinner while having Rayyan scream for me at the living room (super clingy these days). Ordering out McD or KFC saves me a lot of trouble because I could spend that time resting on the couch while waiting for the food.

But he was fasting yesterday, and he requested for white rice and tomyam. Considering that he was fasting, I obliged – it was too late to cook so I ordered tomyam from a stall near our house and cooked rice, made some eggs and reheated some leftovers from the day before.

All the while..having Rayyan crying and screaming for me at the living room.

Finally around 7 pm, Shahrul was home. I left them and went upstairs to change my work clothes – hadn’t had the chance to do so since I got home. Got changed, refreshed myself a bit, took wuduk and went downstairs. Continued preparing the dishes.

Azan maghrib was heard. As usual, we sat together and had dinner. But suddenly, Rayyan decided that he didn’t want to have rice nor chicken but he wanted to have cereal with milk. So I took a bowl, poured the cereal and milk with a spoon and gave it to him. In between, managed to finish my dinner, quickly washed my hands and attended to him having his dinner.

By then, he already decided that he wanted to eat the cereal..with his bare hands. So both his hands were soaked in milk, milk spills everywhere and Koko Krunch looks like something you can find on the floor of your dirty bathroom.

And as the last gift of the day, he finished his cereal (somehow) and put his bowl back on the table – but then suddenly it fell on the floor (table was slippery because of the milk spills). Milk spilled everywhere again; this time also on his clothes and pants. Shahrul took him to the bathroom to clean him up while I wiped the table and floor.

Took him upstairs to change to a fresh new pajamas, but he refused – so while Shahrul was dressing him, he was kicking and screaming as if the pajamas were his ultimate enemy which shall not be touched upon his skin.

Somehow managed to get them downstairs (Shahrul miraculously managed to get Rayyan have his shirt on) and I went back upstairs.

And I broke down.

I cried like mad. Don’t know if it was the exhausting day for me, or it was the hormones, or anything at all – the feeling of failure as a mom and a human being just came over me, so I cried.

At that moment, I regretted everything.

I regretted getting pregnant when I know I’d have to deal with the motherhood stuff and the exhausted-ness that comes with it.

I regretted working my ass off at the office that day because I have to come home too exhausted to play with my son.

I regretted not coming home earlier to make dinner properly as what a dutiful wife should be.

It was the first time that I felt like I’ve failed..in something I take pride of.

Yesterday I felt like I failed as a mom and a wife.

Motherhood is a tough journey. It’s a learning process every day for me – and at times when I’m feeling down, the joy of seeing Rayyan running around smiling just makes up for the hardness it comes with (such a cliché but such a truthful statement I learned throughout my motherhood journey). And I think being able to talk about it with your partner helps, too – especially when he knows when to pick up the slack when you feel like you’ve had enough.

Yesterday I felt like I failed as a mom and a wife.

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

Rayyan's 2nd birthday

So my son turned 2 recently.

I was a ball of 7-months-pregnant-mommy-hormones in the days leading before that day.

I mean, how do you accept that your once-a-little-baby with red skin and bald head which smells heavenly, now is as tall as your hip and speaks to you about what he wants and kisses you whenever you ask?

I couldn’t. I remember a few days before his 2nd birthday, I was home after work and I was ready to bombard Shahrul about the children birthday cakes I’ve been surveying – I knew what kind of design, what kind of cake, what kind of flavour I’m getting for Rayyan’s birthday that weekend after spending the whole day Google-ing things.

But as soon as he stepped at the door, all I could do was sob. It was..humiliating -_-

He’s 2 years old. I couldn’t deal. Still can’t, though.

But but but. Look at his cake!

Friday, March 03, 2017

WIWT : finding the right fit at the moment

This statement would be redundant (sorry!), but I’m finding it harder and harder to dress these days.

Mornings have been so stressful because I kept changing my outfit one after another. Nothing fits right. Sometimes the top feels right (by this I mean it covers my watermelon belly adequately without any button popping or underbelly skin showing) but it doesn’t go well with the bottom choice (pants or skirts) hence the need to change. (these Zara tube skirts are my lifesaver these days)

I hate third trimester sobs.

So, a few weeks ago I went to Uniqlo in the hope to find some bottoms that would fit my huge belly. In my mind, I’m targeting for elastic waist because I depended on them a lot during previous pregnancy – was hoping that, this time, it would be the same.

Browsed through the racks. Found these.

Option 1 : Elastic waist smart pants

I love these pants. The material is so comfy and stretchable and they look smart when worn.

Friday, February 24, 2017

mini wardrobe for me

Just a few days ago, I came across a site promoting “capsule wardrobe” – defined as a mini wardrobe made up of really versatile pieces that you love to wear. The writer/brain behind the concept says she was fed up of all her unnecessary purchases that always ended up either too big or too small or too so-not-her; that the unnecessary purchases were driving her insane.

I can relate with that. Just last week, I walked out of Uniqlo with a brand new soft pink pants, with elastic waist, thinking I could fit into them considering the waist (still won’t give in to another maternity pants lol) – but the first day wearing it, I couldn’t wait to go home to change. The elastic waist was apparently too small for my 6-months pregnant belly and I was fidgeting in my seat the whole day, it was so uncomfortable!

So I decided that the pants had to be somewhere in the wardrobe until I give birth and get my normal belly back. Which is in another 4 months?


So anyway. The site, called Un-Fancy, was born recently and the author has shared her previous wardrobe planning which I’m so fascinated about. Basically, how it works :
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