Honestly? The past month, August had been exhilarating. I was so lost but found a new meaning of life, but it feels so tragic that it had to happen here instead of home.

We settled down finally. I am feeling more and more at home at this apato. Spending time with my 3 kids in front of my eyes 24/7 a day feels like I have finally found my calling. No more feeling guilty for late in picking them up, no more feeling guilty for having to take that call in front of them, no more feeling guilty for…everything. It truly feels surreal to me, because I spent the last 10 years doing just that, feeling guilty.

The kids can sense the new freedom, I think, cause they would want me in everything. I always fear that they would feel like I’m intruding their life, lol. I have spent so much time with them that it baffles me why I would long for that me time before - when all day long is me time to me now. And if I truly need that 15 minutes break from them I’d just sit down in the tatami room to fold the laundry and the kids never bothered me. Rayyan is old enough to look after his brother and sister, and old enough to understand instructions and being the eldest he is the most obedient that I know I could count on him. Still it makes me sad, that these are things that I was missing before.

Granted, not everyone can be in my shoes right now. I truly understand that cause I have been there before, the past 10 years of my life. But I wish my past self would know, however tough it is, the kids are so lucky to call you their mother. And so are you. Count your blessings that you have those kids to call yours - and stop beating yourself up.

You are doing amazing as a mom.

The highlight of my day now is when I am done with my lunch and the kids’ lunch and putting baby girl down for her nap - and here I am, enjoying my cup of coffee looking out the balcony watching Tokyo view. The sun would set around 6 pm, and I still count my blessings that I get to watch it from my balcony.

That’s it, that’s the update. See you soon.