I don’t know why but I’m so into makeup nowadays.
(Not so good for the purse though.)
To think about it, it’s been months since I last splurge at Sephora or MAC. Usually when I run out of eyeliner or concealer, I’d get my staple ones from MAC (used to sworn by its eyeliner) and tried on different concealers available at Sephora since I cannot find one that gives the best coverage at a good price yet. For brow liners, I’ve been using one from Revlon I bought some ancient time ago while I was still studying in Hiroshima, and since I hardly used it back then, I still have 1/3 of its pencil till now. For lipstick, I’d stick to use my staple nude pink color matte lipstick from MAC.
And that was it. Blushers, foundations, eyeshadows – they’re due to come during special occasions (like the VB collection), so for the past few months I just wasn’t feeling it.
Until I started watching makeup tutorials on Youtube again -_-
So hello, new makeup regime!
I didn't expect much, truthfully. I really thought it was going to be like any other day or birthday - even for previous birthdays, I don't think there is a need to celebrate pun, what more in a lavish way.
It's just another day.
So I was quite surprised that days leading to the day I turn 30, somehow I kept Googling for things that have been in my wishlist for the longest time. Suddenly Reebonz is a "favorite" browser in my Chrome, and I came to know the existance of several hip cafes around KL that we haven't been to yet.
Darn. I didn't intend for my 30th birthday to be such a big deal..
Since it falls on a Monday, husband had been hinting that we'd spend the weekend, Saturday and Sunday my way.
It's just another day.
So I was quite surprised that days leading to the day I turn 30, somehow I kept Googling for things that have been in my wishlist for the longest time. Suddenly Reebonz is a "favorite" browser in my Chrome, and I came to know the existance of several hip cafes around KL that we haven't been to yet.
Darn. I didn't intend for my 30th birthday to be such a big deal..
Since it falls on a Monday, husband had been hinting that we'd spend the weekend, Saturday and Sunday my way.
"Whatever you want to do, or wherever you want to go. I'd go, no questions ask."
Last few weeks, Mimi (bff of Jua) invited me to the most important social event in a mommyhood calendar..
Jua’s baby shower!
In case you didn’t know, baby showers are usually thrown to the first-timer mothers (I don’t know why I call it that, let’s rephrase when I can get my brain functioning) to celebrate their first time bearing kids. Oh and celebrate their first newborns too, regardless the fact that the kid isn’t even born yet.
When I was pregnant with Rayyan, most of my closest friends were pregnant too. So we were all kind of too high on hormones and too exhausted from the baby weight to even think about throwing each other’s showers..
Hence we didn’t have any.
Jua’s baby shower!
In case you didn’t know, baby showers are usually thrown to the first-timer mothers (I don’t know why I call it that, let’s rephrase when I can get my brain functioning) to celebrate their first time bearing kids. Oh and celebrate their first newborns too, regardless the fact that the kid isn’t even born yet.
When I was pregnant with Rayyan, most of my closest friends were pregnant too. So we were all kind of too high on hormones and too exhausted from the baby weight to even think about throwing each other’s showers..
Hence we didn’t have any.
Yesterday, I was home quite late due to traffic as it was raining. It was a long day for me – had some meetings, teleconferences, etc at work and this week my belly feels somewhat heavier than usual.
#thirdtrimesterproblems
So I was exhausted. Told Shahrul a few days ago that I’m
planning to order out today, i.e. McD or KFC because on days that work takes so
much out of me, I don’t want to deal with having to come home late in the
evening and make rice and prepare for dinner while having Rayyan scream for me
at the living room (super clingy these days). Ordering out McD or KFC saves me
a lot of trouble because I could spend that time resting on the couch while
waiting for the food.
But he was fasting yesterday, and he requested for white
rice and tomyam. Considering that he was fasting, I obliged – it was too late
to cook so I ordered tomyam from a stall near our house and cooked rice, made
some eggs and reheated some leftovers from the day before.
All the while..having Rayyan crying and screaming for me at
the living room.
Finally around 7 pm, Shahrul was home. I left them and went
upstairs to change my work clothes – hadn’t had the chance to do so since I got
home. Got changed, refreshed myself a bit, took wuduk and went downstairs. Continued
preparing the dishes.
Azan maghrib was heard. As usual, we sat together and had
dinner. But suddenly, Rayyan decided that he didn’t want to have rice nor
chicken but he wanted to have cereal with milk. So I took a bowl, poured the
cereal and milk with a spoon and gave it to him. In between, managed to finish
my dinner, quickly washed my hands and attended to him having his dinner.
By then, he already decided that he wanted to eat the
cereal..with his bare hands. So both his hands were soaked in milk, milk spills
everywhere and Koko Krunch looks like something you can find on the floor of
your dirty bathroom.
And as the last gift of the day, he finished his cereal
(somehow) and put his bowl back on the table – but then suddenly it fell on the
floor (table was slippery because of the milk spills). Milk spilled everywhere
again; this time also on his clothes and pants. Shahrul took him to the
bathroom to clean him up while I wiped the table and floor.
Took him upstairs to change to a fresh new pajamas, but he
refused – so while Shahrul was dressing him, he was kicking and screaming as if
the pajamas were his ultimate enemy which shall not be touched upon his skin.
Somehow managed to get them downstairs (Shahrul miraculously
managed to get Rayyan have his shirt on) and I went back upstairs.
And I broke down.
I cried like mad. Don’t know if it was the exhausting day
for me, or it was the hormones, or anything at all – the feeling of failure as
a mom and a human being just came over me, so I cried.
At that moment, I regretted everything.
I regretted getting pregnant when I know I’d have to deal
with the motherhood stuff and the exhausted-ness that comes with it.
I regretted working my ass off at the office that day
because I have to come home too exhausted to play with my son.
I regretted not coming home earlier to make dinner properly
as what a dutiful wife should be.
It was the first time that I felt like I’ve failed..in
something I take pride of.
Yesterday I felt like I failed as a mom and a wife.
Motherhood is a tough journey. It’s a learning process every
day for me – and at times when I’m feeling down, the joy of seeing Rayyan
running around smiling just makes up for the hardness it comes with (such a cliché
but such a truthful statement I learned throughout my motherhood journey). And I
think being able to talk about it with your partner helps, too –
especially when he knows when to pick up the slack when you feel like you’ve
had enough.
Yesterday I felt like I failed as a mom and a wife.
So my son turned 2 recently.
I was a ball of 7-months-pregnant-mommy-hormones in the days leading before that day.
I mean, how do you accept that your once-a-little-baby with red skin and bald head which smells heavenly, now is as tall as your hip and speaks to you about what he wants and kisses you whenever you ask?
I couldn’t. I remember a few days before his 2nd birthday, I was home after work and I was ready to bombard Shahrul about the children birthday cakes I’ve been surveying – I knew what kind of design, what kind of cake, what kind of flavour I’m getting for Rayyan’s birthday that weekend after spending the whole day Google-ing things.
But as soon as he stepped at the door, all I could do was sob. It was..humiliating -_-
He’s 2 years old. I couldn’t deal. Still can’t, though.
But but but. Look at his cake!
I was a ball of 7-months-pregnant-mommy-hormones in the days leading before that day.
I mean, how do you accept that your once-a-little-baby with red skin and bald head which smells heavenly, now is as tall as your hip and speaks to you about what he wants and kisses you whenever you ask?
I couldn’t. I remember a few days before his 2nd birthday, I was home after work and I was ready to bombard Shahrul about the children birthday cakes I’ve been surveying – I knew what kind of design, what kind of cake, what kind of flavour I’m getting for Rayyan’s birthday that weekend after spending the whole day Google-ing things.
But as soon as he stepped at the door, all I could do was sob. It was..humiliating -_-
He’s 2 years old. I couldn’t deal. Still can’t, though.
But but but. Look at his cake!
This statement would be redundant (sorry!), but I’m finding it harder and harder to dress these days.
Mornings have been so stressful because I kept changing my outfit one after another. Nothing fits right. Sometimes the top feels right (by this I mean it covers my watermelon belly adequately without any button popping or underbelly skin showing) but it doesn’t go well with the bottom choice (pants or skirts) hence the need to change. (these Zara tube skirts are my lifesaver these days)
I hate third trimester sobs.
So, a few weeks ago I went to Uniqlo in the hope to find some bottoms that would fit my huge belly. In my mind, I’m targeting for elastic waist because I depended on them a lot during previous pregnancy – was hoping that, this time, it would be the same.
Browsed through the racks. Found these.
Option 1 : Elastic waist smart pants
Mornings have been so stressful because I kept changing my outfit one after another. Nothing fits right. Sometimes the top feels right (by this I mean it covers my watermelon belly adequately without any button popping or underbelly skin showing) but it doesn’t go well with the bottom choice (pants or skirts) hence the need to change. (these Zara tube skirts are my lifesaver these days)
I hate third trimester sobs.
So, a few weeks ago I went to Uniqlo in the hope to find some bottoms that would fit my huge belly. In my mind, I’m targeting for elastic waist because I depended on them a lot during previous pregnancy – was hoping that, this time, it would be the same.
Browsed through the racks. Found these.
Option 1 : Elastic waist smart pants
I love these pants. The material is so comfy and stretchable and they look smart when worn.
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