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Malaysian in Tokyo. Welcome to my happy space!

welcome to my blog


being a mommy
working life


It has been 6 days since Rayyan caught a flu.

His first flu.

And for the last 6 days, I've been trying to keep it together - feeding him enough milk, but cannot go full on his usual dose as he's having difficulty breathing from the flu, so I have to reduce the amount a bit; making sure he naps enough as he keeps jerking awake because of the cough, making sure he's still as cheerful and playful as usual so that we know his antibody is working and at the same time, looking after the husband..because he's down with fever too.

And that's not the worst.

For the past 3 days, I've been on MC because I got sick, too.

Being first time parents, we were really clueless on how to handle this - and as a parent, watching your child got sick is really the worst thing in life. I couldn't rest even though my body really needs me to lie down, I have headaches but still have to prepare food for berbuka for my husband, at the same time breastfeeding Rayyan, giving him the drop medicine the doctor gave us to help him breathe easily and trying to put him to isn't an easy task.

Today, I'm back at work - but all I can think about is if Rayyan is napping okay or if he's still coughing badly. It doesn't help that I'm a control freak; I need the babysitter to do exactly as we told her to do, or I won't rest.

Last night, I told the husband,
"I can't rest until Rayyan gets better. Please, I need him to get better.."

He said,
"Biasalah, budak-budak. He will get better soon, don't worry"

I told him off.
"You don't know how it feels like, carrying him in my belly for 9 months, giving birth to him all perfect and healthy, and now.."

Was too emotional to finish my sentence. But he straight away came to me to hug and console me that everything is gonna be okay.

But really, I've never experience this in my life. When I feel like putting aside everything that's going on in my life, and just focusing on Rayyan for him to get better. His every cough, snot, and the noise he makes when he's having difficulty breathing sound too painful for me to bear.

I finally understand what being a parent is like.

Baby boy, please get better soon, will you?


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