Finally got called by my designer to go for the first fitting of my nikah dress.

The last time I saw him was when we went fabric-hunting a few weeks ago; and he promised that he could get my dress done in just a few weeks. I was skeptical at first; thinking if it took him longer to make the dress then he'd be more careful with the details, right? Getting it done sooner doesn't really scream attention-to-detail to me.

Oh how wrong I was.

Attention-to-detail it was!

As soon as we reached his place, he showed me the dress and I had to pinch myself a bit. Then he handed the fiancé his baju melayu and asked us to change and try the outfits.

The first try; I was nervous looking at the tail because it seriously looks so much longer than I thought. And then he said "well you wanted a tail!" so I tried it on with a 5-inch heels which turns out to be fine. The veil is more than I initially wanted; so much prettier than I wanted it to be which makes me nervous if I could pull it off with a regular scarf.

But a little tip? When you're scheduled for your nikah dress fitting, bring your white (or skin colored) camisole along. I stupidly wore a black one that day and got scolded cause the black camisole ruins the whole dress.


Fit into the dress (thank God) and he said I don't need to do the second fitting since there'll be no alteration done - so we get to bring the outfits home, minus the shoes and hand bouquet. Both will in shocking pink color, which is the theme color palette he suggested for our nikah which I'm still nervous about. Everyone told me to trust him but every now and then I find myself Googling shocking pink shoes and flowers; trying to imagine if it'd suit the occasion or if I should discard the suggestion.

Colleague saw the full instagram picture of the dress (before it was deleted, funny story on that) and said,

"I wanted to leave a comment on the picture, maybe it was the angle because that looks so much taller, doesn't look like you at all!"

Such brutally honest colleagues I have.

Now the dress is hung nicely in the store room, and I keep having nightmares that a month from now when I try it on again, it won't fit. Stupid brain.

I made a life-changing decision the other day.

I joined my colleagues jamming!

It's been super tense past few weeks with workloads not easing their way up on me, and besides sports, I felt like I really needed something to change. A breathe of fresh new air.

So when my colleague asked me to join them for badminton (we have an indoor court for badminton at the office) after work, I said yes. Badminton is one sport I can tolerate after all since my Dad used to take me with him for his badminton match when I was small; and I've always liked that memory. (Explains why I've always wanted to strive in this one sport even if I failed all the other ones horribly)

But later after the match, my colleagues said they were going to "jamming" and asked if I want to tag along. I've heard that our office has this jam room where most of the guys would play and hang out, but I never really thought of it as serious. Heck, I didn't even really believe it.

Until I joined them that day.

My colleagues can really play!

And I get to touch and play the electric guitar, base and drums for the first time. It was cool.

And since I couldn't really play as good as them to qualify for a jam session, they asked me to contribute one thing.

"Zatil, sing!"

So it was my first time singing in front them, too. Sang Yellow by Coldplay and it wasn't so cool for me (I'd never get used to singing in public) but they call me Zatil Bareilles after that so I guess it wasn't that awful.

Next milestone, learning how to really play guitar. Wish me luck.

So when he came back to Malaysia for good last year, I was relieved that we'll never have to do LDR again.

I was so wrong.

Once he was back, he started working at a Japanese company; a concept I can never comprehend (being an ex-Japanese company worker myself). But he's happy doing something he loves and he's used to the work culture after all; so it's all that counts. Occasionally, his job requires him to travel north and south but I can still cope knowing that when weekend comes, he'll come pick me up at my place and I get to see him again.

"My boss wants to send me to Japan for 3 weeks, is that OK for you?" he told me last few months. I bet in his mind he was thinking that I might kill his boss, so he tried to convey the message to me as clear as possible.

And with a little extra.

What he left me for the 3 weeks that he's away?

Before his flight, he gave me this paper bag containing these books; saying "now you have no excuse not to read these books".

Now, almost 2 weeks after; they're still in the paper bag.

I swear I'm trying.

At the office, I usually have lunch either alone at my workspace if I have some reports' dateline coming up, or with my office roommates at the cafe, or at some restaurants in Bangi when all of us are feeling generous.

After a few months, tradition gets old. So we decided to have a potluck in our small circle.

But I love spending some time with these people because the gems I got from them are always unpredictable, funny and meaningful all at the same time. (philosophers, these people).

Like the other day, when some of the married ones were sharing their experience on..marriage.

Colleague 1 : Me and my husband, will never settle eye-to-eye on balik kampung issue. Every year, it's always the same fight.
Colleague 2 : You have to tolerate sometimes, we need to respect the husband..
Colleague 1 : I've been patient enough already! HE NEVER CONSIDER MY FEELINGS! I WANT TO SPEND RAYA AT MY KAMPUNG TOO!

Colleague 3 : My husband, once, stopped the car in the middle of a fight and asked me to get out of the car and ignored me crying. You know why? All because he said all he wanted to do was nap when I want to go out.

Colleague 4 : The first year of marriage is the hardest. Guys are so used to living by themselves all their lives, so when they need to co-habitate, things will get confusing. Like during the first year, my husband was so selfish he would just do his laundry and leave mine untouched. I MEAN, I DO NOT COOK FOR MYSELF PUN, DID I?! I COOK FOR HIM ALSO! I COULD HAVE JUST COOKED FOR ME AND LET HIM STARVE!

But my personal favorite, when we were talking about male-female relationships.

Colleague 5 : When a guy wants to get married, he should realize he's no longer an "eligible bachelor". He can't be the same guy he was before, because there are limits when it comes to his relationship or approach with other women now. He can't do casual things like movies or dinners with other women when he's already in a committed relationship, what more marriage. Because these things can cause fitnah, and Islam has a strict rule about that. He should be more careful and sensitive to this issue; honor his oath and not engage in behaviours which can cause fitnah. If they feel like they need this freedom to go out with other women or casual outings or dinners, then they should not get married at all. It just proves that they cannot commit. You need a man, not a boy.
Colleague 6 : (looks at my face) You're scaring the poor girl now..

Suffice to say, I learned a lot.

My sister and BIL have a cat they took in since he was small, so when my nephew was born (he's 10 days now! Or around that I think) they asked me to take care of the cat.

It's like my dream came true.

So, presenting to you, my new roommate slash boyfriend.

He's pretty much like that all the time.

Mum was skeptical at first at the thought of keeping the cat because I used to have asthma (it's been years since I last had one, Mum) and basically she was skeptical at the thought of me keeping anything. She was so anxious, asking questions on my current apartment if I have easy access to the dumpster to throw the cat's litter, if I have enough space to ensure the cat actually lives, if I could handle the fur and litter and all.

Me : Mum, I can keep the cat.
Mum : Yes, but your room is too small.
Me : Yes, but it's not like I won't let him out at the living room where it's more spacious-
Mum : You're going to leave him outside?!

I gave up and asked my BIL to convince her instead.

But so far I've been taking care of him for a week now and he's good and well, so I guess that's a good news.

Last few days, I became an aunt to a wonderful baby boy.

On the day my sister gave birth (got real-time whatsapp updates from le Mum when my sister was in labour room), I rushed to the hospital after work to see her but it was 10 minutes past visiting hours and the scary nurses won't let me in. So I asked the brother in law to give her this scrap page I did, so that she has something to look at on her bedside table and be reminded of how beautiful she is. (hopefully pregnancy hormones worn out by then)

Since I started scrapping, I've only ever done it for the fiancé back when we were dating; I don't know why. To me, scrapbooks and scrap pages are something intimate that you would only do for someone who mean a lot to you; who you don't mind spending all the efforts and time and brain for because it's definitely hard work and expensive. Doing it for him was not hard because usually it's for special occasion and it's not like they're something he's never heard of before (ahem) so writing my thoughts and choosing the photos came naturally.

So I'm glad I finally get to do it for my sister, cause she deserves it.

Him : So we drove all the way here just so you could give this thing to her?
Me : Um hello, of course.

Went to see the baby boy yesterday and already missing him. Can't believe my sister is a mummy now.


Decided to indulge in some music greatness after a whole (tiring) week of wedding preparation.

He used to sing this song to me in the car at the top of his lungs (and lyrics at his fingertips - am still mighty amazed) so it's hard not to listen to this song without hearing his voice. So I have to keep repeating this over and over again.

And it's a bonus point that Alex has a mighty perfect hair.

How I spent this CNY break? Reading.

Bought this Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert book recently at Book Xcess, Amcorp Mall while waiting for him to finish work (I've yet to blog about this place, yes I know I said that a hundred times already it's almost obsolete) so I was determined to finish it by this weekend.

Truth be told, I've never read Eat, Pray, Love - ever. Even the movie version. Even when the book first came out and everyone went crazy over it - they took pictures of their coffee mugs on a vintage table with the book by the side, which to serve its caption "to complete my soul-searching through this book"; even then, I wasn't fascinated.

One thing about me is, I tend to dislike things that are widely accepted by people. Simply put, things are too "mainstream" (a phrase people used nowadays, oh the irony) - even for my bags, I won't buy those you've seen one too many times on the arms of supermodels or fashion bloggers and everyone would go out of their minds to get.

(Except for Birkin.)

So when Eat, Pray, Love came out, I didn't have any intention to read it. But when I saw this second book by Elizabeth Gilbert on the shelf, I was curious as to why I haven't heard of it anywhere when it's supposed to be the sequel to the first famous book, so that leads to me buying the book, just to answer that curiosity.

And also, because of the title of the book.

The verdict : I like Elizabeth Gilbert. I like how she thinks being labeled as a chick-lit writer is not a compliment. I resisted reading the reviews before reading this book because I'm easily influenced by reviews, so if you need reviews, it doesn't have positive ones as much as Eat, Pray, Love, because people are expecting this second one as a sequel therefore they feel like their expectations are not met. Which is true, because to me it's not a sequel - you can see it even from the title!

It's about a person studying about marriage because she needs to get married not by her own choice, and in her principle, she doesn't believe in marriage. So she needs to convince herself and coming to terms with marriage before embarking into it. If you like reading about history, then this is somewhat good for you because she tells a lot about the history of how two people is bind through a civilized procedure dating back a few centuries involving religions and cultures and even authorities.

(Did you know Queen Elizabeth started the trend brides wearing white gowns on their wedding? Fun fact! Before that, there was no "dress code" for brides on their wedding day, apparently.)

But if you're looking for a lovey dovey couple and their romantic happily ever after story, then skip this book. If you're looking for the same soul-searching changing life book, skip this one. If you don't like reading hundreds of pages about history of marriage, you won't like it. Though it did make me evaluate my own take on marriage on some parts, so I think the book serves its purpose.

Am still getting married, don't worry. Hehe.

A lot of my colleagues didn't believe me when I said I'm not going home for CNY break.

"But why? I thought CNY celebration is big in Penang?" some friends would ask, totally oblivious at the fact that I'm on the other side of Penang which we call 'seberang' and also, as a matter of fact, my family regards CNY celebration as a regular public holiday, that's it.

Truth is, other than I only have 2 days off for CNY not including this weekend - I'm a disaster at driving.

And to think I have to drive almost 400 kilometers at the peak of this holiday at this time of the year? Insane.

Evidently, I have bad records when it comes to driving for a simple reason - I can't stand immobility on the road. I don't have the patience for one; to deal with other people's leisure drive and two; to spend too much time in the car when I know I can reach the destination faster. At first, driving back to Penang didn't seem like a bad idea to me as I could listen to my favorite CDs all the way home and even switch to radios and have my "alone" time in the car I used to love so much while speeding occasionally when I thought there's no cameras around - but after several trips and a handful of saman tickets, I realize just how dreadful it is for me every time it's holiday and Mum is asking me if I'm going home.

For the record, I have some AES tickets and PDRM tickets they have so generously mailed to my house and in Mum's safekeeping - some still remains unpaid. (And for some of it, I'd like to speak to whoever puts the speed limit at 80 km/h when it's a highway.)

You don't understand. I have very little patience on the road that the fiancé has to look over me whenever we drive in my car, and I think other than that one time he let me drive his car, there's going to be a long time before he lets me drive again. You see, he's a very, very careful driver (from all those times spent in Japan pfftt) where he's finding it hard to understand KL drivers ("why can't they follow the rules and NOT use emergency lane?") so the thought of me driving for our dates terrifies him.

OK he's not that terrified lah, just anxious, maybe.

Maybe this is God's plan, to put this very cautious, neat, responsible person to watch over me. And for that, I'm thankful. Opposite attracts for a reason! Not to mention my lovely colleagues who would wear seat belts even though they're sitting at the backseat every time they ride with me, because as they put it - "might as well wear it, maybe it'd make a difference"

Nowadays, I find myself listening to slow music while driving to be more relax and not speeding. No tickets yet, but it makes me sleepy so it's equally dangerous, no?

A girl can't win, can we.

But still, the next time I'm going back to Penang I'd rather call AirAsia and book a ticket.

That is, until I could transform into a patient driver. Baby steps, InsyaAllah!


my brain dump.