I remember back then there were 2 times that I braved myself to write a handwritten letter to you. I don’t remember now where I put the first one, but I put the second one in an album filled of my childhood pictures taken inside my room.
I read somewhere that sometimes grief could be healed by writing letters to said passed person. But I have no idea why I haven’t gotten over the grief of losing you.
Well why I’m writing today? Because I just realized just how over the moon you’d be if you are able to see your granddaughter today. Remember how you used to print out English worksheets for your students, which consisted of lyrics to Westlife songs? Well, I remember it so well, because you’d make me do every single worksheet so I’d learn English too. I was in standard 2, I think. But I loved the smell of those freshly printed worksheets, I was so happy that you included me in your work too.
You were my first English teacher, but you taught me so many things other than that. One of them is the love towards music, because I still remember those cheesy pop songs’ lyrics you printed for your students!
And your granddaughter..at 4 years old, she loves this Kpop band so much, Ayah. She is only fluent in Japanese language, she cannot speak in Malay but she can sing those songs in English so well! I’m still amazed at how fast she picks up those songs, but then I remember those times when you made me do the worksheets, at only 8 years old (although I have a feeling you started wayy before that)
You’d be so proud of her, Ayah. She reminds me of my childhood, while also being 90% the opposite of who I am.
I just wish you could meet her.
And the other day, I met my old friend who’ve just lost her lovely mom, to cancer. I was reluctant to ask her how she was coping, but I had to. And she asked me about losing you. I don’t know why but I told her, it’s something you’d never get over. All you can do is be strong and show up every day.
I miss you.
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