Tuesday, December 10, 2019

This year thus far

Oh, hello there.

Can’t believe my last post was nearly one year ago WOW #suchagoodblogger #not

But I remember sometime this year someone asked me why I’ve been so quiet on the blog platform. I naturally replied,

“I think because I’ve grown into a different person who doesn’t really want to share so much. Life is hectic, yes, but it’s more to I’ve been subconsciously wanting to keep a separate life from social media”

Heck, I don’t even know where that comes from. I mean yes reading the archive sent me into a cringe fiasco (why DID I wrote that?? For public to read??) but shying away from social media is totally not me HAHA.

Anyway. I did privatized my Instagram account for a while, so maybe I had that inside of me..

Life, to be honest, has been good. Work has been even more challenging than ever; starting this year I made a pact with myself to finally finish my Master’s – I’ve been writing my never-ending thesis like a mad woman last year and sacrificing my weekends for it and this year, I just wanted it to be done. And you know I’m quite stubborn like that.

Finally submitted my thesis yay!

Also, work has been sending me off to UTP so frequently that I had to leave the boys for much longer than before. If before I was not used to leaving them more than 2 nights in a row, this time I even left them for the whole week – coming back to them only on Friday night at 9 pm was a norm at one point.

*pulls hair

You know when people say as a working mom you can’t have it all? I truly feel that. I missed them so much and some nights I didn’t even get to Facetime them cause I would be at the site till midnight; and the thought of them going to bed without seeing me really blows. It’s a constant struggle for me, wanting to excel at my career – I knew I have to step up more than I should because in my case it’s a male-dominated field, heck I’m the only girl in the team – but at the same time I have to sacrifice something that I can’t live without.

But, being a woman, you know how they say we are indestructible? It’s completely true.

Once, I thought I cannot go beyond 2 nights without seeing my boys. Then, when work asked for it, I had to leave them not just 3, but for the whole week – and turned out I could.

At an expense of course, but at least at that moment I knew I could.

So yes, proving the myth that women can do anything.

For the kids, we are set for them to enter a Chinese kindergarten for next year. This year, Rayyan has been attending an Islamic kindergarten specializing in memorizing the Quran; and Alhamdulillah he’s been doing so well, reciting surahs at ease and actually enjoying it. Rafiy on the other hand is still at his nursery and he’s always looking forward to it every morning. This is such a huge achievement considering how much he’s clingy to me.

So for next year, they will be attending the Chinese kindergarten in a bid to try sending them to Chinese school for Standard 1. We both discussed about this and it was actually Shahrul’s idea which I truly support. My late dad wanted me to attend Chinese school too since he was teaching there but when I was in Standard 1 he had to be transferred to a Sekolah Kebangsaan in a rural area to help the poorer kids, so it was one of his dreams that didn’t come true.

So it’s kind of my tribute my late dad – he’d be so happy if he was here seeing his grandkids doing what he was always wanted his daughter to do.

Miss you, Ayah! Even at 32 years old.

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