last night husband suddenly turned to me and said,

"Tak sangka kan, kita dah nak dapat anak dah"

With glossy eyes, shy smile, kisses planted on my forehead. I could see the tears but then he quickly turned away, trying to savor konon macho he has left.

I don't think I've ever written about him (minus all the previous immature, teenager lovey-dovey posts ahem) as a person; as a whole. (maybe I've hinted here, here and here, I don't know. Depends on your interpretations I think)

This could be the pregnancy hormones talking - but I think I'm about to now.

We've been married, for like, a second; before we found out we're having a baby. If I could describe the last 9 months plus of living with him, I would say it was full of surprises - good, and bad. I never really believe in a fairytale marriage, no one could possibly be that perfect and definitely not two people could be perfect and ended up together. I'm definitely not.

Our marriage is definitely not, and I like it that way, I think. Believing you would someday have a flawless marriage like in fairytales would only bring disappointment, I read once and held it dear to my heart. Until today, I still feel we are adapting each other - regardless having been 'friendly' for almost 10 years, come 2015!

But if I could give anyone advice, it's to choose someone you could afford to forgive, over and over again - because that's what you do in marriage. You'd have to forgive and it doesn't just stop there, he would have to forgive your flaws he didn't know you have too. And appreciate every single good thing about him, because he's trying hard to uphold his responsibility as a Muslim, a husband, a father - everyday, everything is a new thing he learned, just like you.

I get upset sometimes. When he gets home late because of work, he forgets something, or worse he does something I didn't know he did - it isn't an easy ride. But I found myself still falling in love with his good qualities.

Like doing the laundry when I didn't ask him to. Or giving me free massages even when he's exhausted himself. Or waking up at random times at night to check on my sleeping position. Or voluntarily reading the What To Expect book (even though the book is meant for me). many things lah I'd rather not bore you.

We're about to embark on new phase of our lives, and at this point, I'm such a happy, happy wife. And I'm thankful that despite our flaws, I realize that we could work - despite the good and bad.

I'm pretty sure that when he reaches home tonight, washes up, opens his phone browser and reads this - he'd have those glossy eyes he had last night. Because that's just the kind of husband he is.

And I pray to God that he'd always, forever stay that way.



my brain dump.