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Malaysian in Tokyo. Welcome to my happy space!

welcome to my blog


being a mommy
working life

to my younger self.

Hey, you. Yes, you, 18-year old Zatil.

This is weird, but I'm you. And I'm 25-year old now - an age you'd picture yourself with a good husband by your side and a high-flying career as an engineer. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not married..yet. And I don't have wrinkles yet, so you can keep away the mirror now.

Boy, time flies so fast.

First and foremost, I'd like to ask you - how the hell did you get to keep your skin that way?! Other teenagers get zits and breakouts at teenage years, but you don't really even focus on that - what's the deal, really?! Big news - don't be so comfortable and cocky cause you'd have lots of them at 25, trust me. While your peers' hormones are slowing down as they get older, yours, are definitely not.

So please, don't be cocky.

Also, I applaud your taste in men. I'm glad you went through all those ex-boyfriends phase cause you passed that stage with flying colors - and I'm thankful that you followed your heart and brain, cause if not, I won't have a great guy like him by my side today. I was worried, you know, because you've had your fair share of history with guys - and it's definitely not a breeze. But you made the decision you know you'd live with for the rest of your life, and I can't be prouder. 

One thing I want to say is, don't be so emotional. Emotions and you are not on good terms right now, what with all the teenagers hormones and everything, and you tend to get carried away with what people say about you and how badly you want to please everyone. Just..don't. I'm thankful that you are surrounded with great friends and people who care about you that makes life in AAJ bearable, but please, stay away from those who makes the alarm in your sense radar goes off. You know you can trust your gut. Just be strong and please, don't be too nice and fragile.

Don't let the boy thing get in your head too much. I know you're only protecting yourself from hurt and unnecessary distractions, but trust me, some of them are harmless. 

I love that you managed to keep yourself happy despite the workloads and the boy thing and exam pressure. I love that you are so carefree you don't need anyone to mean the life to you. I love that you've found yourself good friends and circle; because the bonds are going to last for life. (You won't believe this but some of them are already married now!) I love that you always think ahead of yourself - you have the strength I don't think I have now - and you go for it. I love that you're not so serious anymore compared to high school - you've broken a few laws, something I'm not sure you even realize. But you did!

Most of all, I love that you're enjoying 18.

Falling in love is hard, but it will be the one nice thing you'd remember for the rest of your life. I know you have butterflies flying everywhere now; but you've always had a problem with trust and letting yourself free. I know that well. Let go of yourself sometimes. I know you have that play-safe card in your pocket all the time - but you've got to live a little.

Life is hectic now, I'm sure, you're busting your ass off studying for Monbukagakusho exam and crying your eyeballs out day and night. But trust me, it'll get easier after the exam. Remember that.

And just to show you that I found this -

The EJU slip I found in my old diary, hence this post. This is you in 2006.

Just because I miss you so much. Enjoy being 18, cause 25 will catch up with you in no time.

25-year old Zatil.


  1. hahaha! lawak duh post ni. n i'm sure the 18-year-old atil wud b proud if she knows where she'll stand at the age 25 :D

    1. Hahah hopefully :)) I was busy surveying the potential life partner, though. Lol.


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