my brain dump

How cute are our pengapit? Haha.

The boys were more than happy to accompany us in the pictures. Nowadays, when they see me putting a nicer attire (other than my usual pyjamas) they'd instantly ask where is Mommy going, etc. Especially Rafiy, he would throw a tantrum if I said he couldn't tag along with me -_- Well. Clingy just like Mommy.

This year, I realised that so many things have changed. Since Rayyan and Rafiy are big enough to learn to take care of each other, they mostly would spend a lot of time together - from playing, watching TV, eating, taking a bath, and even sleeping. Of course we would supervise them, but the conversation at the table are always theirs. They don't really need us..and this is the time when I started to feel, wow, I'm free.

I don't have to worry if Rafiy would fall down the chair. I don't have to fear that Rayyan would be bored with nothing to play. Because at this age, somehow they always have something in their hands to do, by themselves or together - and they just don't need us that much. Compared to last year or 2 years ago or 3 years ago.

So then, it was always me and Shahrul, left by ourselves. Sometimes we would make faces at each other, sometimes we would laugh overhearing Rayyan and Rafiy's nonsense conversation.

And it struck me that, while for the past 5 years we've been busy watching over the kids growing up - we forgot that we were growing up too.

I realised that my partner for 5 years is also aging, and changing, like me. While I can be 100% sure that I'm no longer the same girl 5 years ago, I know in my heart that Shahrul isn't, too. He's changed, he's grown up with so many responsibilities as a father to two boys - a job that I know comes with a superpower endowed to him - and I barely noticed this cause I've been busy watching over the kids.

Now, when I see him and myself, I realised we've been missing so much. He's been missing so many things about me; and I him. Suddenly I feel like I have to get to know him all over again, only that it's easier because we live together and we have some background info about each other. Despite knowing him for most of my teenage and adult life, I still feel like there's a lot to take in - there's still a lot to learn!

So I guess my new resolution, from now onwards - take time to get to know your partner. And let him get to know the current you too. It feels exciting, like I'm going on new dates haha. But I do think this is essential; reading my posts on my engagement and wedding sent shivers down my spine cause my thoughts are what the hell do know about love? I wish the younger me would learn that it takes a lot more than lovey-dovey to love a person and be loyal to that person for the rest of your life.

And I guess this is the time to put in the work. There's a lot of hikmah brought by this MCO, I believe.

What about you? Do you feel this way about your partner too?

So last 2 weeks, I turned 33 years old.

Never thought this day would come (sob)

But honestly? Despite being at home for MCO, I had the awesomest birthday because these monkeys were with me. Daddy told them the day before (and 2 days before) that it's Mommy's birthday, so they will have to sing a Happy Birthday to Mommy and blow the candles and give Mommy endless kisses. So days leading up to the actual day, these two won't shut up about it so the plan kind of backfired HAHA.

"Daddy, cepatla birthday Mommy..bila nak sing Happy Birthday song?" 

"Daddy, cepatla beli birthday cake" 

Lol they are definitely the world's worst liars.

I believe you’ve heard about the saga last week. About Vivy Yusof, who caused a public stir due to her post on Instagram on SMEs wanting to get financial aids to help ease their burdens when government had just announced the stimulus package to help the B40 and M40.

I just have to pen my thoughts here. I’ve refrained to do so many many times since a few scandals years ago, but this time, please bear with me.

Firstly, I believe people’s wrath mostly came from the abovementioned B40 and M40 – they believe this woman is an arrogant and ignorant coming from T20; who whined about not getting financial aids when others (B40 and M40) do. Her argument was that these SMEs employ majority of B40 and M40; and that her intention was ultimately to help them, since one day if most of the SMEs closed down, these are the people who would be jobless.

Let me be clear. I am baffled by this.

While I don’t agree with people bashing her on Twitter, making posters and spreading it around to make her look bad, etc – these people has a point.

Imagine having to think about short of cash for food to consume for tomorrow, for babies’ milk, for rice, for diapers, for other necessities – then came a statement from a person (who boasts about her wealth and achievement almost daily) about how “us, the entrepreneurs, need financial aids too”

You think they won’t get angry? You think they don’t go to your IG page, and saw how expensive your bags are and how expensive your daily meals are, won’t be pissed?

I read a post on FB about how Vivy feels so alien to the rest of Malaysians, and I couldn’t help agreeing. I have problems agreeing with her since the pregnancy women debacle, and I’m definitely on Team Iman. So yes, I can understand why she received so many backlash due to this issue.

But in this particular issue, my main issues are:

So I guess this one blog entry per year really takes off..

Hello, to anyone who are still reading this blog. Not even sure why I still keep it haha.

Anyway, since Corona virus started and MCO started we've been spending 100% of our time at home. For me, I start my day at 7 am, layan the kids for a while (yes they wake up early every day -_-) and take my shower. Then breakfast, and make my coffee before I'm off to the third bedroom in the house aka my temporary office, since I still have to "work from home". Husband, on the other hand have emails to reply and assignments to do but he doesn't really have any meetings, so naturally it falls on him to be with the kids, while I have virtual meetings with bosses in my temporary office every day. Come noon, we will order Grab or husband will heat up the dishes I made previous night or he will go downstairs to tapau at some restaurants that still open. Then we have lunch together and by 2 pm, I will be off in the third bedroom again.

Kids will be napping at 3 pm with husband, and I will try to finish my work by 5. Then we will spend some time together before the kids wake up and I start preparing dinner. At night, we accompany the kids playing Legos and reading books or just watching TV - all these things were always cut short before, mostly from our part because we were so tired having to work and fetch them from school.

It's been like this for a few weeks now. Frankly, we've gotten used to it. I whined about not being able to go out at first, but at the moment, I love :

• not having to put on makeup 
• not having to dress up
• being with my kids most of the time 
• reading with them - so impressed how fast they're picking up 
• getting to cook every day - I don't have to rush!
• getting to play with my cat all the time (yes, I've got myself a cat, you know, like Audrey Hepburn)
• getting to have lunch with my kids everyday

I know, there's so many things we would complain about MCO and not being able to go out and enjoy, but there's so many things we can do with MCO which we might not be able to do if there wasn't one.

At the moment, I'm grateful for everything. Yes, working from home isn't exactly easy, and I hate listening to people rambling during the meetings (cause I use a headphone and can't tune out) but when we focus on the positive things, somehow the situation gets easier. It's not just a cliche, guys, just try to do it.

As for me, I finally got my Macbook out and charged it and opened my browser and typed this - it's already a huge achievement for me.

Till next post! (Let's hope there's one before MCO ends.)