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Sunday, April 26, 2020

Celebrated our 6th anniversary

It's 12.07 am, and I can't sleep.

Actually it's been like this before, and whenever it happens, I thought about posting something here. But unfortunately it always fell short - something has always gotten in the way; that Netflix series I've wanted to binge on, that new movie husband downloaded I've yet to watch and so on. So the intent to blog is just..an intent.

So tonight, I'm determined to just post this one. How hard could it be right?

We celebrated our 6th anniversary today, being confined at home, while fasting, and I proposed to Shahrul to put on our nikah attire we wore 6 years ago for a mini photoshoot. At our home. I've always to do this since years ago, to see if we could still fit the attire (HAHA) and to have these pictures taken so that we could frame them up.

Today, we finally did it! I took comfort knowing I would only wear the nikah kurung for less than 30 minutes so the buttons won't pop open LOL.


How cute are our pengapit? Haha.

The boys were more than happy to accompany us in the pictures. Nowadays, when they see me putting a nicer attire (other than my usual pyjamas) they'd instantly ask where is Mommy going, etc. Especially Rafiy, he would throw a tantrum if I said he couldn't tag along with me -_- Well. Clingy just like Mommy.

This year, I realised that so many things have changed. Since Rayyan and Rafiy are big enough to learn to take care of each other, they mostly would spend a lot of time together - from playing, watching TV, eating, taking a bath, and even sleeping. Of course we would supervise them, but the conversation at the table are always theirs. They don't really need us..and this is the time when I started to feel, wow, I'm free.

I don't have to worry if Rafiy would fall down the chair. I don't have to fear that Rayyan would be bored with nothing to play. Because at this age, somehow they always have something in their hands to do, by themselves or together - and they just don't need us that much. Compared to last year or 2 years ago or 3 years ago.

So then, it was always me and Shahrul, left by ourselves. Sometimes we would make faces at each other, sometimes we would laugh overhearing Rayyan and Rafiy's nonsense conversation.

And it struck me that, while for the past 5 years we've been busy watching over the kids growing up - we forgot that we were growing up too.

I realised that my partner for 5 years is also aging, and changing, like me. While I can be 100% sure that I'm no longer the same girl 5 years ago, I know in my heart that Shahrul isn't, too. He's changed, he's grown up with so many responsibilities as a father to two boys - a job that I know comes with a superpower endowed to him - and I barely noticed this cause I've been busy watching over the kids.

Now, when I see him and myself, I realised we've been missing so much. He's been missing so many things about me; and I him. Suddenly I feel like I have to get to know him all over again, only that it's easier because we live together and we have some background info about each other. Despite knowing him for most of my teenage and adult life, I still feel like there's a lot to take in - there's still a lot to learn!

So I guess my new resolution, from now onwards - take time to get to know your partner. And let him get to know the current you too. It feels exciting, like I'm going on new dates haha. But I do think this is essential; reading my posts on my engagement and wedding sent shivers down my spine cause my thoughts are what the hell do know about love? I wish the younger me would learn that it takes a lot more than lovey-dovey to love a person and be loyal to that person for the rest of your life.

And I guess this is the time to put in the work. There's a lot of hikmah brought by this MCO, I believe.

What about you? Do you feel this way about your partner too?

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