Thursday, April 14, 2011

of impending decisions.

Dear World Wide Web,

I'm sorry for neglecting you. It wasn't like I've been running here and there working or making assignments like I used to tell you or anything. I'm terribly sorry.

House is too comfortable for me, to be honest. I spend my day in front of the cruel TV, if not laying down on my ever comfy mattress with a Marian Keyes book attached at my face or in Mum's kitchen, eating my life away. I don't know the outside world anymore. (Honestly, looking at those horrible titles on the newspapers, I don't mind)

And then, come this week. I don't know how and why but I suddenly got this motivation to work on my resume - something I'm not really looking forward to - and aggressively looking for job vacancies all over the country. OK maybe not the whole, but you get what I mean. Despite having a permanent job waiting for me in May, I suddenly realize I want more. Just more.

Please don't accuse me of being ungrateful, you should've seen my colleagues. All eager to go to career fair and all. 

Sometimes I wish things are simpler. It's hard thinking about something you want to do, without adding the factors of money or family or position. I've spent days thinking about where I wanna be, who I wanna be with, what type of job most suits me, which area of engineering I wanna be in. Yes. I'm the over-thinker of the family, thanks.

For heaven's sake. As of May, I'm going to be an engineer in a company. For heaven's sake. How could I not be nervous? How could anyone not be nervous? I have no idea what working life would be like. Why won't Marian Keyes write about a girl working as an engineer in one of her bloody books?
 
I miss studying. I miss calculus. I miss jotting down notes in lectures. I miss not having to think about future - pass your exams, and that's it. Celebrate. I miss the anticipation of waiting for exam results.

Right now, just the thought of not having any transport to go somewhere scares me. I NEED A CAR LIKE RIGHT NOW.

I miss blogging, like I used to. I miss having my boyfriend correcting my grammar and laughing at my mistakes. (no, he's never done that. Seriously.) I miss taking random/pointless pictures of things. I'm sorry that I haven't make blogging my priority, when only God knows how sometimes I just want to be alone and write. I miss taking pictures when I'm out and about, but of late I just don't get the feeling of dressing up when come evening your makeup smeared with sweats (Malaysia is hott) and you feel unstylish as ever.

I miss coming home to a computer with high-speed internet, 24/7. Period.

If only I had a magic ball.

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