to write or not to write

 So I'm back on the blogosphere again.

In case you didn't know, I recently as in 4 months ago quit my job and migrated to Japan; the land of my dreams. Life has been magical since then, and being back in Japan, I couldn't help reminiscing back the old days of uni life I spent in Hiroshima more than 10 years ago.

Back then, when this blog started. 

Has it reallyyy been that long?

I know, I know. If you've been following this blog you'd know how much I hated that life - the uni life I spent crunching late hours studying to just barely pass a paper, and those late nights when I had just reached home from lab, and when I had a breakdown wondering if my Japanese is good enough or not. 

But what I rarely showed was the content feeling of passing those papers. The connection I made in my campus and classroom filled with nice Japanese friends. The smell of crisp air of autumn, winter and spring - my favourite seasons just cause we couldn't experience those in Malaysia. The calmness I felt in my own little apartment, just browsing internet, blogs, and random videos on Youtube (Netflix, TikTok and Instagram haven't existed yet). 

And these past few months took me back to those times more than I can remember.

Today, my kids went to school and I stayed at home with my baby girl. Just us two enjoying the cold air on our balcony for a moment before it got too cold and I had to finish doing my laundry. As I close the sliding door and curtain, I realised for the 1543th time just how lucky I am - to be able to experience this again, 10 years later - and I wonder what I did in my previous life to be able to be so lucky.

Then, a delivery man came to send some package - upon seeing me, he did a double take, barely even looking at my face before rushing off without another word. Ah, the prejudice of Muslim in Japan, how did I miss this when I have faced this countless times 10 years ago?

Reality hits me hard. Probably God telling me not to be so arrogant in counting my blessings, pulling me back to the ground.

But it doesn't hurt that much this time. I've always known this prejudice would exist and known better to be mentally prepared for it. I'm 35, for God's sake, not a 20-year old anymore. Surely I've managed to grow thicker skin throughout the years.

So for that, I say, bring it on.

Side note, I had just spent more than 3 hours charging up my old MacBook just to publish a blogpost. I realised that the comfort of writing using a laptop triumphed than on an iPad - the keyboard, the typing, the feelings aren't the same - and I prefer the former for writing. Less distractions, easier on the fingers, and less hassle of uploading pictures. I guess I would focus using the iPad for watching dramas/movies, social media and reading from now on. Just fitting since my MacBook's screen and speakers have totally failed on me, with the screen just barely enough clarity for me to see what I'm writing and nowhere decent for movie-watching.

Oh how I've missed rambling on this blog!


  1. Hi Zatil,
    You remember me?
    It's good to see you in blogosphere again...
    I bookmarked your blog before so that's why masih tau.
    Take care at Japan.

  2. Helloo Aya!! Of course i rememberrrr :)) how are you doing? Hope youre good! Let me know if you’re coming to japan yeah :) take care too!



my brain dump.