When I was counting hours and minutes to deliver Rayyan, I remember very little about what happened - the contractions were crazy and I didn't take epidural to help ease the pain.

Still, I remember Shahrul was frantic next to me, his one hand holding mine and another holding air zamzam/kurma/gas; whichever the nurses told him to give me at the right moment. 

I remember he was very calm despite knowing what would happen, or maybe it's just his default face. 

But I remember that while nothing of this help ease the contractions, I was relieved that he's around.

At the hospital after delivering Rafiy, waiting for the nurse to check us out. Obviously he's not the one having the contractions just a few hours before -_-

(Read part I here.)

So the nurse, after telling me to settle down (because I was "only 3 cm dilated" T.T) went out of the labor room.

Husband was at the reception to submit my admission form.

Suddenly I felt completely alone, dealing with the mega contraction somewhere below my belly. Took a look around - and realized that it was the same labor room I had delivering Rayyan! Haha. Contraction was undeniably more painful than before - thought I'd have the strength to tahan this time around after experiencing it firsthand the last time, but this time, I really felt as if I was going to die. There's no way I could endure this, I thought.

So before the nurse go, I asked her,

"Saya nak epidural, boleh ke?"

And she gave me a face.


my brain dump.