Breastfeeding Part 2 : Overcoming challenges

It's been quite a while since my last post on this T.T

Oh well, better late than never, right? At least before the next baby arrives haha XD #notpregnant

Now, Rayyan is a little over 1 year old. And..his needs for breastfeeding is way, wayy different from what it used to be a few months ago.

Drop in supply

You see, this is one major challenge for me. Compared to other mothers I know, my supply is low and it's a constant struggle for a first time mom who's trying to get used to the idea of breastfeeding. You've read how I needed to tailor my wardrobe for more nursing-friendly clothes, and the constant search for bags to fit the pumping stuff..oh, it was a challenging phase for sure; what more with constantly looking for ways to increase the milk supply.

Now, I've stopped pumping since..Rayyan was over 10 months old, I think. Because one day, I just realized how low my supply was compared to before (already so low), and how pumping breastmilk has made my life miserable because on top of the above, I felt like it wasn't enough. It really wasn't, because we have started giving him formula to top up the EBM (expressed breast milk. Sorry TMI, but I have always hated it when I read online about this and there were so many short forms I couldn't understand) we supplied the nanny every morning.

From 4 bottles of EBM, it became 3 bottles. Then 2 bottles.

Until Rayyan was over 11 months old, I decided to stop giving the nanny EBM altogether. But I still breastfeed Rayyan at night - when he wants comfort, or when he just needs to be cuddled. Considering my target before was to breastfeed until he's 6 months old, it's a major achievement for me!

Feeding purpose

It's so different from what it used to be. Truth be told, now I no longer feel any guilt for not being the sole milk supply - because I simply understand how my body works. When it can't produce anymore milk, it just can't, and there's no milk booster sold online/offline could help. I know, I've tried everything - Umma Lacto, lactation cookies, ESP, everything! Nothing works on me sobs. They said it's all in the mind, but I found myself feeling stressed every day and every morning when I had to prepare the EBM, the pump stuff, etc - I just didn't find any solution to it.

Unless I stop thinking about it, and just accept that I have the right to give formula to my son.

It was liberating. I wish mothers out there would just stop stressing over this (me a few months ago included lol) and accept it the way it is. Some mothers are blessed with overflowing supply of milk, but some are struggling to even get an ounce out of a pumping session - so be it. As long as your little one is getting the nutrients he needs (albeit from formula), why the stress?

Weaning off

My current stage right now.

Oh how I wish there are manuals on this T.T

Rayyan still depends on me for his comfort, or when he wants to sleep - it's become a routine to breastfeed when he wants these 2 things. Which isn't good, I know. At the moment, we tried soothing him with tapping his back, holding him, zikir, stroking his head - nothing works T.T

So, mothers out there, do tell?

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my brain dump.