Thursday, October 11, 2012

stretched out.

I just had a crazy hectic week, and I don't think I've been so stressed out this bad before.

Seriously, unwashed hair, senget tudung, mismatched tudung, etc. You really don't want to see me last week.


But at one point, I'm really ashamed to say I really felt like giving up. I felt like I was so incompetent; the big bosses were coming last week and we had full-on meetings and site visit day and night - during the night, I'd only reach home at 10 pm all exhausted and stretched out and hungry.


If you think business trips are fun, think again.


I thought all those years in Japan working hard and studying hard to get the degree scroll was tough enough. I thought I'd come out of those years stronger and nothing in working life would tear me down like I had in those walls of Japanese uni concrete walls - well, I was wrong.


It felt like brutal war, and I was in the middle of it defenseless.


If you've seen how technical presentation and meeting work, you'd see where I'm coming from. My job requires me to know basically A-Z offshore production, nucleation physics hardcore, technology deployment system, project management, etc. Which I'm still finding myself taking some time to learn - a mechanical engineer, process engineer, planner, researcher, scientist all rolled into ONE!


Sometimes I feel like they forgot I'm just a 25 year-old girl working abroad without an ounce of offshore experience. Sometimes I feel like they forgot I'm human.


But really, this trip has really opened me up to a whole another world. Realizing how crucial my technical knowledge and everything I've learned since the last 4 years in uni, how crucial it is to apply them in my current task, how crucial it is to have extra efforts in learning new stuff especially other people's scope, etc. If I were to stay in the comfort office in Bangi I might won't ever realize this - maybe I would, somehow - but here, it's different. You're being put on the spot almost all the time and you have got to have everything at the tip of your finger - which basically the one thing I'm still working on.


I foresee sleepless nights from now on.


I love my job. I love what I'm doing. But the high expectation scares me, and I don't think people can ever avoid that, but it's all about how you manage them and overcome the scary feeling into something positive.


AND the fact that I'm so far away from my loved ones at times like this really sucks. I have so much respect for people working abroad now.


So what can you do to relive the stress? Go shoe shopping.


Came home today and realized that the number has increased exponentially. I came here a month ago with only one pair, for God's sake.

Pretty sure that one pair makes babies.


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