Thursday, December 02, 2010

workaholic anxiety and faith.

Today is probably the weirdest day I've ever had.

Both my lecturers are away from last Tuesday till today cause they have to attend this seminar (I think) in Tokyo, so it was just us the fourth years and Masters students in the lab. I was of course over the moon when I came to lab last Tuesday and my senior told me that they're away, so my Tuesday was filled with chilling out at lab with my seniors and going home for lunch at 12 and back to lab at 3 pm in evening. HAHA.

So basically this whole week had been a vacation for us.

But come today, I was feeling slightly restless. The routine goes on as usual, except today an obvious number of seniors were absent and there were only me and 2-3 seniors in the lab. It was raining and freezing which aren't helping; I've already feeling blue as I am, I don't know why!

All I keep thinking about is my next presentation next week, and I'm working on my slides thinking "sensei please come back faster, I need you". I'm freaking out. God knows how much I resent staying at lab doing my work with my sensei swishing around asking people stuffs, and everytime he walks past me he'd always has something to say, or ask. "have you tried the new equipment?" "how's the latest result?" "get back to me soon" "please do your task as soon as possible" even though I've just answered him a few minutes before! But I've kinda gotten used to the situation, given how many times in a day I'm being called in his office. He's either very particular or very forgetful; my seniors voted for the latter.

But today I'm just so worried about my FYP and all I want is him to be back to the lab so that I can report everything. I want to ask him so many things, but I can't and I can't seem to find the answer so I guess that's why I was freaking out.

Workaholic much? Hehe.

And I went home at 4.15 pm, which is a first. I feel like I have too much time!

I'm torn between hoping he'll be back tomorrow, or still absent. Absent because so that I can go home early, but that won't be good for my FYP and I won't feel good about it. Sighh.


So anyway, I was rearranging my drawers (see? I have too much time!) and I found this.




It's a note from my senior, during one of those times back in May-August this year when we had our plant design project and I had to juggle both my lab's work and the plant design everyday. It was so exhausting and I had to work extra hard compared to everybody else. It was the time when I reached my peak point; I broke down when I was talking to her - and I didn't even meant to cry! It was soo humiliating cause I just wasn't used to cry in front of people, and it was definitely weird for her too. Sigh. Thank God she's cool, and later that day she left this note on my table, I was so touched. And embarrassed at the same time.

I read a post by my friend, Izzat Laila about this book published in Japan about Islam and terrorist. The book was banned but of course it's easy to get; and what really shocked me is how misleading the content of the book is. Basically the book is saying how 'dangerous' the Muslims are, the details about the Muslim community in Japan, details about Muslims' activities in Japan and everything! And I mean everything - name, address, biodata.

Offensive, misleading, raising unreasonable questions about Muslims in Japan. That's what it is.

The book is banned now so it shows that the government actually awares about the controversy, but I hope there'll be more actions taken against those people.

What I'm trying to say is, there will always be people who would judge us, right or wrong. Most of the Japanese people aren't familiar with Islam and would tend to believe everything the media says about Muslim, so controversy is bound to spark every now and then - like a mosque in Fukui being burnt and sabotaged with a threat written to the Muslims there. But on top of that, somehow there are still some who truly see your inside rather than the outside, regardless of what you're wearing - like my senior. She's exceptional, cause she's always so good to me, it makes me believe that maybe there are more people like them.

Now we're not exactly best of friends, but it's made clear that she respects my image and belief, and I respect hers. I just hope that there are more people like her.

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