So since IG caption won’t merit a long post, I’m putting this here as a reminder for me in the future.

Rayyan is 7 years old this year. He’s going through possibly the most life-changing phase in his life; starting primary school in Malaysia back in March after 2 years at Mandarin kindergarten, enrolling for Kafa for the first time, then moving to Japan - all in a span of 5 months. Understandably he’s confused about all these changes, what with his school, friends, language etc.

Sadly, we always expect the kids to understand and accept these circumstances.

So last night, it all breaks loose. For the past few nights I noticed that Rayyan has been complaining a lot about his routine after school. We always make sure the boys (Rayyan especially since he’s started elementary school here in Japan) to solat Maghrib berjemaah with his daddy, then mengaji (Iqra’), then read a few pages of Japanese book before bedtime. 

Last night, Rayyan seemed really tired. He complained saying he doesn’t want to read his Iqra’ and Japanese book. He said he wanted to sleep. We of course really want to keep to his routine, cos saying ok to this request would mean another request is coming in the future “because Mommy and Daddy said it’s ok that one time”. We tried to pujuk him a bit. But then he got upset, stomping his feet and in between tears. Rayyan rarely gets violent before, he’s the “let it in not out” kinda boy so this behaviour really worried me.

So I told him,

“Rayyan, I know you’re tired from school. But it’s really important to read your Iqra’ everyday so you don’t forget it, and to read your Japanese book everyday so that you can understand your friends better. Don’t you think so?”

He just sobbed. But his face grew softer.

“Ok, what about this? Tonight just read 4 pages of your 8 pages of Iqra, and same goes to the book. Ok? Then you can go to sleep”

Rayyan finally nodded. Inside I was really relieved.

And then after he took his wudhu’, he suddenly volunteered to be the imam, instead of daddy. I was so surprised, but so so proud. For the first time I really feel like I’m finally connected with him - instead of just scolding him for not wanting to read his Iqra’, I tried to have empathy and met him in the middle, and that worked for him, at least for last night.

He was his jovial self after that, until bedtime. 

So I hope I will always look back to this moment whenever I’m having a bad time connecting with Rayyan. Have a little bit more empathy and always have a 2-way communication with kids to understand their point of view.

Mommy will keep trying🤍