This week has been quite a difficult week for me.

Why?

Because we started sending Rayyan to his nanny since I'm starting work soon T.T




See, I never thought of myself as a clingy mom - heck I didn't really maternal until last few weeks, to be honest. All through pregnancy, at most, I think the only times I felt maternal was during checkups and whenever he started kicking inside my womb, because those were the times we get to see him moving live.

It felt real, hence I knew for certain..I was gonna have a baby.

Other times? Not so much. The first few months were the worst because you have this uncertainty that the pregnancy might not be safe, and add the morning sickness to the mix - very very unhappy girl with nausea. You don't feel anything moves inside yet, and everyone kept telling you to keep it as a secret as it is still fragile - that's as far as unreal goes.

I just felt like..there's someone, but I hardly knew the person.

Fast forward 9 months later, there's a baby in my arms whom personality, character and face I'm still getting used to.

But last few weeks, this person starts making noises. Responding to my talks (I do baby talks now..sigh..), giving me his cheeky smiles (even though it might still be his muscles twitching, I'm not sure), holding my fingers tight while I breastfeed him; he starts to become more and more real to me.

He's someone special.

The first day at his nanny, I tried not to cry. But I found myself browsing his pictures since the day he was born and being amazed at how much he's grown in the past 1 and a half month. Husband, obviously is making fun of me all day pfft.

"So have you cried yet? Or did you go out shopping today?"

Sheesh so not helping.

A few parcels from a certain online store came in that day, he didn't know.